How to Sidestep an Affair

 

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SEVEN  - 7️⃣- ways to avoid emotional and sexual affairs*

1. Don’t trust yourself

Don't also over trust your partner he/she is human

 Life happens. Feelings happen. Most people don’t plan to have an affair before they have one. Keep 2 👀 eyes open in your marriage and run when u have to. 

Also keep encouraging each other not to be too close to the opposite sex.  If ur husband is getting to close to someone in your environment, step in and be the 3rd party in that friendship. Most women will run once a legitimate partner walks in.  

Watch each other's conversations and acquaintances.  Be accountable to each other in terms of relationships.

Keep your phones accesible to each. ( some  of us would not like that last one, but it's the way to go if you really want marriage as it should be )

2. Stay far from old flames.

 Social media is probably the easiest way to stay connected with old crushes. Keep conversations with such acquaintances sparse. Focus on what is yours now.

3. Deliberately affirm and appreciate each  other.

We get married because we want to have a regular source of emotional gratification. When that source dries up... well let's just be conscious that nature doesn't like vacuums

4.  Prioritize sex   

 Plan sex.  

And be creative about sex in marriage. Don't be boring. 

Don't let your spouse feel you are doing him or her a favour giving sex. 

Seize every opportunity.

Don't let "I'm tired"  ruin your marriage.

Men, it is sin to starve your wives 

Wives, it is more fun when you initiate the process

5. Set Boundaries

Agree on what and what is acceptable in your union. 

Such boundaries will alert each spouse on when he or she is drifting : like road dividers, kerbs and yellow lines on the expressway.Should partners go to lunch with opp sex friend for any reason?  Should such dates be reported and when?

How regular should sex be? 

How should quarrels be resolved and when?

Should partners collect gifts ETC ETC 

Whatever suit you two? 🤷🏽‍♂️

*Alarm* ⏰ 🚨 

Such boundaries may not curb unfaithfulness 100%  ( humans will do what they want to do, nobmatter the hurdles.)ut the unfaithful partner would not say:

" i didn't know what i was doing "

The agreed boundaries become an 📢 alarm system. 

When both spouses are able to agree on which behaviors they consider to be inappropriate, it puts their marriage in a safe environment.  - like road divders on an expressway

6. Recognising  the expectations of your spouse.

In my several years of helping couples to resolve their issues, I often discover that apart from a wrong choice of partner, the other major foundation for loose connections in marriages is the perception that certain needs and expectations were not met. Could be emotional needs, financial needs, intimacy needs or friendship needs. But the needs of your spouse are legit and should be taken seriously. 

Sometimes it is not the need itself that drives a partner out, but the perception that the other partner is not doing enough. 

 Affairs happen for many different reasons, but often enough, the underlying cause is the fact that one person was seeking something that didn’t exist in the union.Knowing your spouse' needs, and being willing to meet those needs can keep your attachment to one another 💪 strong. 

7. Avoid emotional nakedness before someone you are not married to

Don’t Share Emotional Struggles With a third party opposite sex. 

An naked heart is more powerful than a naked body.

An  emotional attachment occurs easily with the person you open your heart to. This could lead very easily to an emotional affair.  

Try to avoid conversations with opposite sex friends and co-workers regarding problems in your marriage

Don’t share emotional  struggles with a third party opposite sex except the person is  professional cousellor or minister.  And if you are dealing with a minister/counsellor, keep it strictly business. No calls or messages outside business hours and no emotional clingy clingy.

Learn to be strong all by yourself.Do a lot of praying. Let God be your strenght. 

Even your same sex friends can take advantage of you or of your marriage in times of crisis. 

Don't be blinded by your tears. 

It's gonna be okay.  Sunshine comes after the rain🌞 🌞